In the prologue to Discovering Love Online: Love May Be Closer Than You Think, I present the story of Brett and Brianna, two lonely hearts looking for the love of their life through the venue of online dating. Their illustrative tale, reproduced here as Brett & Brianna: An Online Love Story, is provided for your reading enjoyment and to give you a taste of the style of writing you’ll find in the rest of the book. The majority of Discovering Love Online, however, is of an instructional nature taking the form of a step-by-step guide designed to make your dating experience positive and productive. That said, “Once upon a time….”
“Whatever your experience, online dating can be less painful and more promising if you know a few things upfront.”
Brett disliked the whole dating scene that was part of his life from the day he entered high school until he met the woman he married more than a decade later. He considered it a necessary evil on the path to finding love and companionship. The ordeal was disagreeable, emotionally stressful, anxiety inducing and predominately hit or miss.
He dated enough over the years to know what he was seeking in a partner and what he wanted to avoid. Still, Brett found it difficult to meet someone he wished to marry who was also interested in marrying him—a woman to share his life with and enrich the years ahead. When Brett and his wife-to-be married, he found great relief knowing the wearisome dating years were over.
Brianna, as a young adult, also lacked enthusiasm for dating. It wasn’t a comfortable or enjoyable experience for her. Like Brett, dating was a means to an end and little more. Brianna wanted to get married, but she found dating awkward. When she finally said, “I do,” Brianna bid dating a less-than-fond farewell.
Reject Being Alone
Regrettably, after 23 years of marriage, and with no children, Brett found himself widowed and alone again. Since he didn’t feel called to the solitary life, nor did he desire it, that meant one thing: Brett needed to re-enter the dreaded “dating zone” in search of companionship. He tried the conventional approach for several years dating women in his circle of acquaintances but found it stressful and discouraging. Eventually, Brett took advantage of an opportunity previously unavailable and waded cautiously into the uncharted waters of online dating.
Brianna’s story was similar. After being married for 30 years, she found herself divorced, single and parenting two teenage girls. Not wanting to resign herself to a life of singleness or to raising her daughters by herself, she knew it was time to revisit dating. Since Brianna had a small circle of friends and acquaintances, she determined from the outset that dating online was her best option.
Face Daunting Uncertainty
Brett had heard about online dating, having seen ads on TV over the years and on the Internet more recently. Services such as eHarmony, ChristianMingle and Match had caught his attention, but most of the stories recounted to him weren’t very optimistic. In fact, except for a few couples he knew who had met their spouse through an online dating service, most friends shared “horror stories” of experiences gone bad or a lack of success in their search for a lifetime partner, even after spending more than a year trying. It seemed too familiar to Brett, conjuring up the same feelings of anxiety and uncertainty that dating produced in the past.
Brianna, likewise, was discouraged by the reports she heard. Stories that it was taking months or years to find someone, of processes that were tediously slow and, in some cases, that no prospective partners were showing an interest. Trying to connect meaningfully was elusive.
Approach Unknown Territory
In spite of these uninspiring reports and accompanied by fear and trepidation, Brianna and Brett mustered up the courage to venture into the uncertain realm of online dating. Detailed personality questionnaires required more than an hour to complete, while online profile creation encompassed several more. It all seemed daunting.
Brett took several days, amid other activities, to complete his profile. In the meantime, he became overwhelmed by the number of matches added daily, including many women who wanted to communicate immediately by email or phone. Like a deer in the headlights, he froze and blocked anyone who seemed too eager to connect. Eventually, he finished his profile, adding photos and answering many of the optional relationship questions. Still, the process took much longer than necessary. Brett just didn’t have the knowledge or experience to make the endeavor painless and enjoyable.
Brianna, nervous about going online in the first place, didn’t know what to expect. Assistance needed to fill in her personality questionnaire was unavailable, even through the dating service helpline. She just wanted an honest and accurate profile that would produce good matches. Yet, those she received didn’t seem to match at all. What Brianna needed was knowledgeable assistance in creating her profile. She didn’t want to meet a lot of men, just the right one.
Find Success Online
Over time, Brett and Brianna learned a lot about online dating. They became proficient at tweaking their profiles, figured out what to say and the best way to say it, discovered how to eliminate poor matches while focusing on the most promising ones and acquired firsthand experience in communicating effectively with potential partners.
The good news? Their efforts paid off. After corresponding for several weeks, Brett and Brianna met in person for their first date. Six months later to the day, they married and began a new life together.
Tell a Relatable Tale
If your Internet dating experience is similar to that of Brett and Brianna, it’s probably not the tale of their success that resonates. Rather, it’s with a slow, anxiety-ridden and discouraging process. One that’s more difficult than it needs to be in your struggle to connect in a meaningful way with a future life partner.
Whatever your experience, online dating can be less painful and more promising if you know a few things upfront. No secret formulas, just a reproducible, step-by-step procedure to chaperone you along the path to discovering your Mr. or Mrs. Right. Guidelines to make your dating adventure a positive one with the best possible outcome. That’s the purpose of Discovering Love Online: Love May Be Closer Than You Think.
Welcome to the adventure!
